


Dear General, It's Awfully Nice Of You To Give That Dead Guy Another Chance

by themummersfolly



Category: Henry V - Shakespeare
Genre: Death and Spreadsheets, Gen, Humor, admin nightmare, due to an administrative error, modern-ish AU, plot-related miscommunications, team france, the military runs on paperwork
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-12 15:15:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28887462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/themummersfolly/pseuds/themummersfolly
Summary: General D'Albret has a crappy afternoon. Inspired by a conversation with cheshireArcher.





	Dear General, It's Awfully Nice Of You To Give That Dead Guy Another Chance

The sheaf of papers came across his desk in the afternoon.

LTC RAMBURES, DAVID C. PROMOTION TO COL. _POSTHUMOUS_.

General D'Albret set down his drink with a clunk. _Rambures- I just spoke with him yesterday._ Had there been an accident? Heart trouble? He'd seemed fit as a fiddle, but it had happened before. _Why didn't I hear anything when it happened? Christ and the saints, the man had a family..._

He reached for his phone, dialed his executive officer.

“Boucicaut, why is this the first I'm hearing about Rambures?”

“...I beg your pardon?”

“His paperwork just came in. Why did no one tell me he's dead? And what happened?”

Boucicaut was silent so long D'Albret thought the line might have disconnected. Finally: “What do you mean, he's dead? I just saw him yesterday.”

“So did I. It must have happened last night.”

“I know he lives off base, that might be why... oh, hell.” There was a shuffling sound on the other end of the line; Boucicaut must have put his head in his hand. “I'll make some inquiries.”

“Call the family affairs office, too. He had four children; his widow may need assistance.”

He hung up and looked back at the papers on his desk. _Posthumous_. He signed off on them at once. _He was due for this promotion, he deserved it. I just wish he was here to enjoy it._

“Public Affairs, this is Montjoy.”

“Will, is this a good time?”

“Well, sure- General, what’s this I hear about Rambures?”

“I know, took me by surprise, too. That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.”

“My God. What happened? People are saying it was a car accident, but I can’t get a straight story.”

“We’re still looking into it. I need you to handle the press release, and get with his family about the obituary.”

“Do we know a date for the funeral?”

“I’ll let you know.”

“Thank you, sir... He told me he was going fishing today. God...”

For a moment, neither man spoke.

“I’ll call you again when I have more information, Will.”

“Copy, sir. If I find out anything else, I’ll pass it along to you.”

“I appreciate it.”

D’Albret hung up the phone. He spent the last hour of his work day going over reports in a daze, his thoughts full of funerals. _He’ll be interred with full honors, of course. If the family prefers a private ceremony, we can hold a separate memorial service... We’ll have to use the gymnasium instead of the chapel, he was popular..._ Briefly, he thought about his liquor cabinet at home, the good bottle his sister had send him from their hometown, but shelved the idea. He didn’t feel like drinking; he didn’t feel like doing much at all, except staring blankly off into space.

_Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, and no man knows the hour. Poor Rambures._

At five, he collected his things to head home. He would work on his condolence letter to Mrs. Rambures in the evening- he might need a drink for that, actually...

“Night, Alix,” he waved to his secretary, who offered him a sympathetic smile. “Oh- when you get the chance, look up some florists and start pricing flower arrangements. I’m going to send one, and I suspect some of the others will want to contribute.”

“Will do, sir.” Alix made a note. “It’s a real shame. Must be awful for the family.”

He nodded. “I don’t know how I’m going to replace him. He was one of the b-”

A clatter of footsteps at the door interrupted him.

“Hey, Alix- Oh, hi, sir. Hey, my wife just called, she says an family affairs officer came to the house and she’s been getting calls all day. What’s going on?”

Somewhere in the distance D’Albret heard his briefcase hit the ground. Alix let out a startled “eep.” Rambures, still dressed in shorts and a trout-printed hawaiian shirt, glanced between them.

“Um- did I come at a bad time?”

“ _Hi, you’ve reached Major Tony Brabant, Personnel Administration Officer. Please leave a name and call-back number, and I’ll get back to you.”_

_Godammit, answer the phone._ D’Albret hit redial. Rambures sat in his waiting room, his big form folded meekly into a chair like a child in the principal’s office. D’Albret tapped his foot impatiently as the phone rang.

“Hi, general, sorry I missed your call, I was just-”

“Brabant.”

“Yessir?

“Regarding Rambures’ promotion to full-bird...”

“Yeah, I was just about to call you about that. I heard what happened, so I went in to change the promotion request to posthumous, and- um- it already said that.”

“Did it, now.”

“Yeah, um- General, I fucked up.”

“I can tell.”

“I make it right. I’ll- um- I’ll get the corrected paperwork on your desk asap-”

“We were planning his funeral, Tony.”

“Yessir. I don’t know what happened, I was up late, I must’ve leaned on a button when I signed off in it-”

“He’s in my office, Tony. His wife found out before he did.”

“I’m sorry sir, I’ll take full responsibility, I’ll call his family to apologize-”

“A question, Tony.”

“Yessir?”

“WHAT THE HELL KIND OF AN OPERATION ARE YOU RUNNING OVER THERE?”

Instead of an answer, there was crash on the other end of the line and the sound of a stack of papers falling to the floor. Brabant had dropped the phone.

“Um, sir, is it alright if I go call my wife?” Rambures asked. “She was kind of shaken up when I talked to her.”

“Go ahead. We’ll take care of everything. Oh, and expect a call in a few days about your promotion ceremony, _Colonel_.” 

Rambures paused, surprised. D’Albret nodded to him.

“I signed off on it this afternoon. You weren’t supposed to get the notification until you got back on Monday, but I figure you could use the good news.”

“Yes sir. Thank you!” Rambures face lit up as the news sank in. As the door closed behind him, D’Albret turned back to Alix, fished in his wallet, and handed her a couple of bills.

“Cancel the florist and go get takeout. Looks like I’m going to be working late after all.”


End file.
